new adventures

Today I launched my group blog with 2 other stay at home moms.  Our blog is:

mommiesonmissions.wordpress.com

Our goal with this blog is to share our war stories, and to let other moms know that they are not alone in their adventures of motherhood!  I am really excited about this new adventure of ours!  I am starting to think that I may be addicted to blogging haha.  I have this one.. now mommiesonmissions... my photography blog (richellethorntonphotography.blogspot.com) as well as a private blog that I am just not ready to share with the world yet...

I guess when your a mommy of two little ones at home, there are much worse things to get addicted to than blogging!

hope

I just need to take a minute to document something that hasn't happened since little lady was born... a WHOLE day with no crying! (well from her anyway... little man had a few melt downs yesterday, as well as another bladder explosion on my sofa.. sigh)  And on top of no crying ALL day, I laid her down in her own bed for every nap, and bed time, without rocking, and she went to sleep on her own!!  I feel like we have made a breakthrough!  While, no, I am not expecting this to be the new "norm"... it did give me a small glimmer of hope for what is to come!

OOH EMMMM GEEEE

I really do not like to complain.. really.  I try to see the positives in everything, but my goodness, November 23rd, 2011, I am SO over you!!!  Today started with a massive mess on the sofa (see "two weeks notice")...Then it looked like MAYBE the day way turning around.. little lady went down for a nap without being rocked or held in her own bed (YAY).... then it ALL started to go down hill.. this is what my day looked like:
4:30 am- little lady woke up to eat (2 hours early)
5:30 am- little lady went back to sleep (YAY!)
8:00 am- little man woke up
9:00 am- little lady woke up
10:00am- little man pissed on sofa
10:30 am- little lady took a nap (yay!)
11:00 am- doorbell rings... "Ernie" from Animal control comes to door.. says there are complaints that our dog has been running around the  neighborhood unattended to.  Unless she can open doors in the middle of the night HERSELF.. no, she isn't.  My dog has NEVER been outside without either my husband or I, and ALWAYS stays in our yard.  So one of my crazy-ass neighbors is making stuff up (I could totally write a post just about the weirdness of my neighbors, but I'll save that for another day)
11:30 am- little lady wakes up from nap, in a seemingly good mood
12:00 pm- little lady has MASSIVE meltdown, tears, snot, the whole nine (We have been trying to switch her formula, because I think what she is on may be bothering her... but she HATES the new stuff.. we thought it might be helping, but the painful screaming leads me to believe we are back at square one)
12:30 pm- little lady takes a nap
1:00 pm- little man takes a nap
1:30 pm- mommy lays on the sofa to read and passes out
2:30 pm- mommy wakes up "shit! nothing got done during nap time"
3:00 pm- little man wakes up, with poop in his pants (UGH)
3:30 pm- little lady wakes up, HUNGRY and PISSED that she hates her new formula
4:30-pm- Mommy tried to cook dinner
4:45 pm- little lady has massive meltdown #2
5:15 pm- little lady is sleeping... little man is doing pee-pee dance.... refusing to go...

2 weeks notice

It is wednesday, and today is the second time in THIS week, that my (potty trained) 2 1/2 yr old has decided to piss all over my sofa.... not just like a little accident, but full blow just-didn't-feel-like-walking- ALL-the-way-to-the-potty pissed his pants.  If this were an actual paying job, that I had regular hours, and breaks (ahh remember breaks?).. today would be the day that I put in my two weeks notice...

But there are no "regular hours", there are no "breaks".. and there is certainly no quitting this job... Plus, if this were an actual paying job, my "boss" wouldn't be able to cuddle with me on the sofa, kiss my face and say "sorry mommy, i make you happy?"

While I will never wish that my children grow up too quickly... I certainly would not mind NOT being elbow deep in toddler piss before noon on a wednesday...

Fleeting moments

As I lay on my sofa, reading "the happiness project", both of my kids are sleeping. Taking a much needed nap, and both at the same time! I have spent much of this week researching parenting techniques, sleep training, and various other parenting issues. I have mommy blogged, facebooked and emailed friends what they have done with their children that has worked to obtain a night of sleep.. While yes,I would love to get a full nights sleep again, I have to stop and really take in what is happening, life. My kids will never be younger than they are today, they are constantly getting older, and before I know it they will be sleep deprived parents themselves. As I look at little lady sleeping peacefully in her swing, I am reminded that it seemed like just yesterday that little man was in that very swing. There is a quote in the book that says "days are long, but years are short", I find this statement to be so true. I have to stop myself from wishing the not-so-pleasant aspects of parenthood away, because the good far outweighs the bad, and before I know it, these fleeting moments will be distant memories of a peaceful sleeping newborn, and a high-energy toddler who has the whole world figured out.

Little Escape Artist

As I am laying in bed, unwinding from a stressful day (earlier today I wrote that my daughter was over her "night fussies".. Well guess what came back as I juggled my 2 yr old, the dog, and packing for our pending vacation)... I hear my little man banging away in his room. Then I hear his door open (little man has never been one to stay in bed, so we have a "childproof" door handle on his door. And a gate at the door) I get out of bed and go to his room, as soon as I get to get door I hear him sprinting back to his bed. When I walk in he is holding the "childproof" handle in his hands, saying "look mommy, it broke"...
How is it that I have never bought a child proof item that is actually child-proof? From the time little man was little baby, he could get through any baby proofing we put up. Locks on cabinets? He can take them off. Baby gates, he just climbs over. And now the handle protector??One time he actually took the pin out of the hinge of a door. My mom was watching him, walked into his room and he was just holding the 6 inch pin in his hands, smiled at her, and handed to her like some kind of peace offering....
Ooh the joys...

And then there were 2

WOW. It has been MONTHS since my last post!  Life since the arrival of my daughter has been hectic to say the least.  Reading back a few posts ago, I see how nervous I was, how would a new little one disrupt our lives?  Well, I can honestly say that our newest one has made a HUGE impact on our "schedule".  But I can also say with 100% certainty, that I wouldn't have it any other way :)  The love that I have for both of my children is completely overwhelming.  I remember thinking when I was pregnant that I did not know if I could love another baby as much as I love my son.  The answer is YES, 100 times YES.

My daughter, as much as I love her, is a whole different animal  than my son was at her age.  When we brought little man home from the hospital, he was a dream baby.  He rarely cried, if he did it was only to let us know he was hungry, wet, or tired.  He was sleeping through the night by the time he was 7 weeks old. (I know, you can hate me for it)  He was always so calm, and laid back, one of our good friends names him our "stoner baby" haha.  My husband and I thought this whole parenting thing was easy! (HA) Little man was so good that I found myself lying to other moms and telling them he was difficult just because I didn't want them to hate me haha.  When we decided to get pregnant again, we thought (stupidly) that because we are both calm laid back people, that we just make calm babies.  WRONG!    Little girl came out in a RUSH!  3 hours from first contraction, to the time she was laying on my belly, screaming her little lungs out.  Quite a difference from little man who took about 14 hours to make his appearance.  And she came out without a quiet, cute little baby cry, she had a full 6 month old baby piercing scream.  There is no "little fussies" with her.. she is either happy.. or she is PISSED!  We knew we were in for it when we had our first night in the hospital with her, and she was up every hour-2 hours to either eat or poop.  And the whole 1st month was a blur of eating and pooping. She ate every 2 hours.. and my god that little one shit a lot!  We went though 16-18 poop diapers a day at the height of it!  We had what the dr called "night time fussies" from weeks 4-12... I thought it could have been colic, but because she didn't quite hit the 3 hours a day mark, it was deemed "the fussies"...(something about the word "fussies" sounds quiet, and even cute.. there is nothing cute about a baby that screams non stop, without you being able to calm her down..)
Then at 12 weeks something happened.  The hours and hours of screaming stopped.  When she is pissed she still lets everyone in a mile radios know (I have NEVER head such a noise come from such a little person!) but for the most part I am able to calm her.  She NEEDS to be on a schedule, if she doesnt have the same routine every day, there is hell to pay.  Weekends she is usually a little grumpier because we dont have the calm quiet house that we have all week, and sometimes I have things to do so my husband is home with the two kids alone, and that  just pisses her off haha.
With all of that said, all of her quirks, screams, and shits (I am happy to say that we are now down to 1-2 poops a day!) I still love this little girl with all of my heart.  She has the biggest smile that lights up the whole room.  She adores her big brother, and at 13 weeks has such a hearty belly laugh that just melts away any stress in my life.
Even though I am sleep deprived (little lady isnt sleeping through the night yet, I guess thats what I get for having such a great sleeper the first time around, and for being so stupid to expect to get another one), and live off of Coffee, I absolutely adore my life as a stay at home mom.

Thankful

As a stay at home mom, there are days where I ask myself "what the hell did I get into?".. there are days that I would give anything for just 5 minutes of quiet.  Today is not one of those days.  Today I have to stop in the craziness that is the life of a stay at home mom and just be thankful.  Five years ago today, my nephew Tyler passed away.  He was 11 months old and just the happiest baby you ever met.  Tyler was a seemingly healthy, happy, sweet little boy.  One morning Tyler woke up for his morning bottle, went back to sleep, and never woke up.  He had a rare form of pneumonia that shows no symptoms.  No coughing, no wheezing, no symptoms what so ever.  He got a sudden fever that spiked extremely high, and that is what took his precious life.  Tyler's death took everyone in the family by complete surprise, and left us all in a deep state of shock.  After 5 years,  the pain still feels just as sharp, but it is a little easier to look back on the wonderful memories that he gave us.  That little boy in his short life taught us all that there is no other option in life than to be happy, he always had a huge smile on his face and an extremely infectious laugh.  It was impossible to be in a bad mood in Tyler's presence.  He would crawl onto your lap, and just dance around and make funny faces until you smiled.  There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about his sweet little face.

  This is my 3rd year as a mom on his deaths anniversary.  And this year I am pregnant, so I am really feeling the hormones, mixed with the memories, and it is a recipe for a very emotional me.  It is today that I must stop and look at my son, and the growing belly in front of me, and I am overwhelmed with how grateful I am.  I can not imagine for one second life without my son.  Yes, he may drive me nuts some days, but I would not change a single thing about him or my life as a stay at home mom.  So today, I urge everyone to hug your children, tell them you love them, and just spoil them a little. They are blessings and I pray that no one ever has to learn what life is like without them.

Note to Self

This is a blog to remind myself how much I do not enjoy being pregnant, so in a few years, when I have amnesia and think "Oh, it wasn't that bad, lets have another baby!" I can read this.  So this is going to be a letter to myself:
  Dear Richelle,
     If you are looking at this years from today (July 26th, 2011) and thinking you MAY want to have another baby.. I am just warning you, you HATE being pregnant.  YOU are not one of those women who say it is this joyous experience and love every minute of it.  (now I know that not everyone can get pregnant, and I am lucky to be able to carry my own children, just because I do not enjoy this process does not mean that I am not thankful that I can do it).. So let me just remind you that you have maybe enjoyed 3 days of this pregnancy total.
    Through out this pregnancy, you have felt as though an alien has taken over your body.  Before you even found out you were pregnant, you felt that your boobs were going to pop.  Then came the nausea.. and you were one of the lucky ones that never actually threw up.  You just felt like you were going to vomit on everything and everyone for about a month and a half.  It was "magical"... Not to mention that from the very beginning with this one your face has been breaking out worse than it ever did when you were a teenager.
    Also, you were never one of those women who got the "glow"  .. in the beginning you looked like you were going to throw up.. and from the middle on, you have been having such awful hot flashes that you felt like you were going to pass out on a few occasions (remember the trip to the Toronto Zoo)...
     And now.. just 2 weeks from your due date, you are feeling especially wonderful.  You have a baby kicking the hell out of your ribs and stomach so much that the wonderful nausea you had in the beginning is back.  Your back is so sore that Dereck has to rub it pretty much every night.  You have 2 pulled ass muscles.. how that happened.. I have no idea, but when you are walking it feels like someone is walking behind you punching you in the ass.  Its so bad that sometimes it cramps up to the point that you just can not walk.
  And sleep?  I am sure if your reading this.. years from today.. you have forgotten that every night you get up at least 4-5 times to pee.  If your lucky, you can fall back to sleep.. but usually that is not the case. Your up for about 1/2 hour each pee.. by the time you fall back to sleep, you wake up in a panic feeling like you are going to piss your pants again.
  These are just some of the most unpleasant things you have encountered this pregnancy.  You had most of these when you were pregnant with Gray too, but he is such a great kid, and you love him so much that you forgot about most of them because he was WELL worth it!  And I know that this one will be worth it too, but I just wanted to document exactly HOW much you dislike being pregnant just incase you get the baby bug again in a few years!

  sincerely...
      A very very very tired, sleep deprived, uncomfortable Richelle

We have come so far... right?

A friend of mine sent me this article, it was a clipping from an actual sex education textbook for girls printed in the early 60's in the UK...
           "When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible.  Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost important, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his train.  But remember to look your best when going to bed.  Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious.  If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.  When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular you commitment to obey him.
            "If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it.  In all things be led by your husbands wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy.  Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's.  When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.
              "Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register and reluctance by remaining silent.  It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night-time face and hair care products.  You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning.  This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes."


My friend obviously sent this to me as a joke.  To show how far we have really come in the past 50 years.  And I THANK GOD that we have, because I do not think I would have survived back then!! (and neither would have my husband)  As far as we have come, we do still have a bit to go before we are "equal" to our male counterparts.  Now before you think "Oh God, here comes a feminist rant"... read this on Stereotypes about Feminism, and you should ask yourself if you are one too?  


http://www.suite101.com/content/stereotypes-about-feminism-a51504



So before we go any farther.. I am a stay at home mom/wife.  I am an attractive lady, I love my husband, I love sex, I am not whiney, and I have never burned a bra in my life.  But that does not mean that I don't 100% agree with equal rights for men and women, because I do.  And just over the past week I have been reminded that not all women (or men) are in the same mind frame that I am in... and until we are ALL on the same page it is going to be difficult to achieve equal rights.


As stated earlier I am a stay at home mom, and if you have been following my blog you know that I am just about 9 months pregnant.  I am a part of "Mommy" groups on Facebook, as well as a great group of moms in the town that I am in.  Just this week, another girl in my "mommy" group on Facebook, posted a question about what she should bring to the hospital in her bag for the arrival of her baby. Right before I read this post, I had JUST finished packing my own bag, so I wrote her a list of things that I felt that I would need, as well as what my new born baby would need.  If you use Facebook, you know that if you comment on something, you then get updates every time that someone else write on the same post.  I was blown away by the amount of women posting what this woman would need to bring for her HUSBAND so he did not get bored.  These were women that were has already had children, and their husbands actually had the balls to complain to them that they were bored, and the next child they had they needed to pack for them also.  Maybe it is just my crazy pregnant hormones that this stuck a nerve with.. but I SO badly wanted to post "What the hell is wrong with your husband that he can't pack for himself so he stays entertained??"  And what kind of guy watches his wife in pain and agony for HOURS then has the balls to complain to her that he was bored???  One of the women said that "First time around, i was the focus. The socks, slippers, robe...the typicals. But I've now been listening to his whining and complaining the last 4yrs....so I'm packing for him too!!" Seriously.. If my husband had the NERVE to complain to me for 4 years that HE was bored at the hospital when we had our son, I would not be still calling him my husband... and we would not be having another one... What exactly is wrong with being the "focus" as she said during child birth???  You are going to be pushing a PERSON out of your vagina... or even worse.. they may be cutting one out of you.  If your husband is going to be SO bored.. he can pack his own damn entertainment, are you HIS mother too?? YOUR job is to birth a baby, not entertain your husband!  


Ok.. rant over.  But it still pissed me off... with all of that said, I will leave this blog with a joke, compliments of Facebook:
        "A real woman always keeps her house clean and organized, the laundry basket is always empty. She's always well dressed, hair done. She never swears, behaves gracefully in all situations and circumstances. She has more than enough patience to take care of her family, always has a smile on her lips, and a kind word for everyone. Post this as your status if you, too, have just realized that you might be a man..."

To boob, or not to boob...

I did not breast feed my son.  I really had no interest in it, by the end of my pregnancy, I was physically and emotionally drained, and I just felt like I needed my body back. I did not at all know what to expect with having a newborn at home, and I felt like the pressure of breast feeding was just too much for me to handle.  I also knew how easily I get stressed out when I am sleep deprived.  I NEED to get 8-9 hours of sleep, or I am just not the same person.  I did not want to welcome a baby into the world just to give him a miserable stressed mother, I knew a happy mom makes a happy baby, and I have to say my son was one of the happiest babies I know.  I knew that I would need help from my husband with feedings, and I wanted the option to be able to leave the baby with our parents over night if we had plans.  Do I think that I was selfish in my decision?  Absolutely.  Do I regret it?  Absolutely not.  While my breast feeding friends were tied to their baby for 45 minutes every 2 hours.. and up all night feeding, my son was sleeping longer, and he ate about ever 3-4 hours for about 15 minutes.  I have to admit it was pretty nice.  I also was only taking off for 8 weeks after he was born, and the idea of being hooked up to a machine to pump made me feel like a cow.  Maybe this was not the right mind set to have, but it was the one that I had.
In just a few short weeks.. we are expecting our second child, and I am faced with the decision of if I want to breast feed or not.  Do I want to?... Honestly.. no.  I don't.  But I am still facing what feels like a HUGE decision.  Quite a few things have changed since I was pregnant with my son.  For one- We have moved to Canada. I have joined an AMAZING group of moms, who ALL seem to breast feed.  They are not shy AT ALL about just whipping it out in public.  I am not criticising this, I think breast feeding is natural and women should not have to go hide in their car or bathroom to feed their child, but a little bit of modesty would be nice.  It seems like such a huge cultural difference than the US.  Its not uncommon to see a women breastfeeding at the local mall in NJ, but she is covered up.  Here, I have seen women in restaurants pull up their tank tops, pull down their bras, and just let it ALL hang out.  Hey, if they are comfortable with the world seeing their boobs, more power to them, I am just not that comfortable.
Two- women here get a full year maternity leave.  When ever I tell women that we get 6 whole weeks, they are completely mortified that the US puts such a small value on a mothers bonding time with her children.  If I choose not to breast feed again, am I going to get stoned to death if I am out in public with my children, and I feel my infant from a bottle and not from the breast?  Now, I am NOT the type of person to make my decisions based on what others think, and if the women I talk to on a daily basis choose to judge me for not breast feeding (if that is what I choose to do).. then I know that I really don't need to talk to them anyway.  (I really cant stand idea pushers anyway).. but it is very hard not to consider breast feeding when it is such a HUGE part of the culture I am now a part of.
  With all of this said, I have done my research, and I am very well educated on the benefits of breast feeding, but I still feel like it has to be good for the WHOLE family, and I have to make this decision based on what will be best for us.  How I am going to be able to keep up with my 2 1/2 yr old with an infant attached to me every other hour?  I have seen many moms neglect their older children just because they attached to the new one constantly.  That is not fair to my son.  I am worried about how he is going to adjust anyway, bottle feeding may be a way that he can help me with the baby and feel involved.
  This will be a decision that I will have to think about as my due date get closer and closer.  Right now I am thinking I may give it a shot, see how it works out for our family, and if its not a good fit, I can always stop.  If I do give it a shot, and it doesn't work out, god help the poor nurse, lactation specialist, or fellow mom that tells me I am a horrible mother for it, because there is a good chance they will get verbally (if not physically) told to shove it!

changes

Today was a good day. We went to a morning play date, followed by lunch, a nap for my little guy (which means shower/photo editing/chores/chatting with friends time for me), bath time for little man, followed by snack and a movie (today it is Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs). This is roughly the formula for our days. We try to get out of the house for an activity, (whether it is a play date, or grocery shopping), lunch, nap, (I get my "me" time to shower, relax, or do work around the house), followed by an afternoon of toys or going to the park depending on the weather. Gray and I have really grown to love our little schedule of events. Everything (usually) gets done around the house, and we both get out and get to socialize with other people. I finally (after almost 2 1/2 years) feel like I have a handle on this being a mom of 1 thing....

With all of that said, in just 4-6 short little weeks, EVERYTHING is going to change. We are going to go from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I am going to have to shift from being a mother of 1 sweet little boy, to the mother of two... a toddler (who I am sure will be jealous).. and a newborn. Every time I think about the changes that are to come, I cant help by think "OH SHIT!" They are going to outnumber me.. there will be 2 of them! Double the laundry (at least.. babies seem to throw up and get poop on everything) How am I going to get out of the house with two of them! I have a hard enough time balancing Gray's "potty" bag, toy bag, my purse, and what ever else we may need every time we leave. How am I going to handle all of that PLUS a car seat, diaper bag, and a stroller? When am I going to have time to shower or do anything that needs to get done around the house? Should I just kiss my "me" time goodbye? And how is my little guy going to handle this huge change? He is going to go from being "the baby" to the "big brother", and how is he going to handle his new role? Right now he is gets all of mommy's and daddy's attention, how is he going to react to having to share the attention? Will he handle it the same way I did when my brother was born and ask to take the new baby back to where my mom got it?

I guess these are all questions that will get answered in time. While I am very excited to meet our little girl (and pretty much over this whole "pregnancy" thing), I have to admit that I am a little nervous to see how these changes are going to effect the dynamic of our family. I know these must be things that everyone who is expecting a second child must be apprehensive about, hell... these are things that anyone expecting any child thinks about, whether its the 1st or 5th. I also know that everything will work itself out, because things just have a way of doing that... There will be big changes, but we will be OK. I will learn how to balance, and Gray will learn how to be the "big brother." As with many other things in life, the anticipation and uneasiness of the unknown is usually much worse than what is to come. I know that I worry now, but as soon as I meet my new little girl, all of the hard work that is to come will be well worth it. :)

Money and Power

Ever since I have been old enough to get working papers, I have had a job. I have always paid my own bills, and it was always very important to me to be financially independent. I have never wanted to have to ask my parents to borrow money, I don't like to feel like need to depend on anyone else. When my husband came home last summer and asked me if I wanted to move to Canada and be a stay at home mom with our son, my initial reaction was excitement to be home with our son... (as a teacher I saw first hand the product of parents that work too much and hire other people to raise their children.. and its not pretty. I completely understand that not everyone is in the position to be home with their children, and that does not make them bad parents. I had many many well adjusted students with two working parents, but too often parents are too exhausted after a long day of work to be a fully present parents, and they are left with spoiled, over indulged, or even worse completely neglected children because a day care, nanny, or TV raised their children)... But after it processed, and after I actually quit my job, the "oh shit, now I am fully dependent on someone else" set in. It was a very foreign feeling to me.

All of my friends, family, and co workers we SO excited for me, that I would get the opportunity to stay home with my son. I knew that I was extremely lucky to be in the position, so I did not want to voice my concerns about being dependent, and admitting that I felt like I was losing some power. When I had a job, I felt like I had a big say in the financial decisions in our house. (now my husband is an accountant, so for the most part he handles our finances, but at least I was contributing, and felt like I had a legitimate say in where the money was going).. but as we packed up the house.. and I left my job, our home, our family, and our friends, I couldn't help but think "am I giving up my power? Is my husband now the CFO of our house, and I am the cook, child care, and house keeper? Is this why women wanted to get out of the home and into the workforce? So they would have an equal share of the power."

Just yesterday I told my husband that I wanted to get him golf lessons for fathers day. Normally I would have just purchased the lessons and not thought twice about it, I would have surprised him on fathers day and that would have been it. But this year I felt like I had to tell him before I spent $200 of his dollars towards his present. We joked about it, and he said "yeah, I guess it is different now that I am buying my own presents"... but his statement just solidified what I have been thinking. There is a change. Maybe it is a shift in power, maybe its just a change that I have to get used to. Luckily I married a really wonderful man who does not capitalize on this change, he never makes me feel like "he is the boss", and for those of you that know me, that would never fly with me anyway haha. I know the old saying that "who ever has the money has the power", but I would like to think that we have moved past that. Marriage is a partnership, and it doesnt matter who the bread winner is, as long as you are both doing your share with the family. Right? Just because I do not work outside of the home, does not mean I do not work. Having one two year old is like having a fully time job in itself, come August we will have two kids, add on top of that keeping the house in order, and making sure we are all fed, clean, and clothed, I would say I have my hands full. My new "job" may not have a pay check, but I know it is equally important in our home. While I know the value of my job is immeasurable, I still can not shake the uneasiness of now not being able to contribute financially. I am hoping this insecurity is something that will fade in time, I guess we will soon fine out. There certainly is a great deal of power that comes with being able to provide for yourself, and being dependent on the wrong person could be a complete disaster. Even with the right person, depending on someone so much is scary and requires a whole new level of trust that I didn't know was possible.

What exactly do you think your dirty looks will do?

For those of you that have children, you of course know about the terrible twos. You know that every once in a while your darling, adorable, well behaved child forgets all of the manners and rules of acceptable behavior you have taught them, and will partake in a full-on temper tantrum, and you just can not do anything about it. For those of you that are parents.. you know this all too well... and you also know ALL about the stares that you get from the people that do not have children. You know the stares meant to make you feel like an awful parent because your child did not come with a magic "off switch" that you can just push to turn your screaming tot into a little angel. For those of you that are not parents let me educate you...
When you are out in a public place, and you see a toddler throwing a full on temper tantrum, you turning around to give the poor, exhausted (pregnant) mother the death stare that clearly states "do something about your child" is only going to infuriate said mother, and cause her to only want to allow the child to scream more just because it pisses you off. This is especially true if the said mother is doing everything she can to try to stop the temper tantrum. (now if the mother is on the phone, texting, reading, ignoring the child.. then sure, stare away. If she is ignoring her child, she sure as hell isnt going to notice your death stares.) Bottom line is that no one, including myself, enjoys a screaming child, but in the world of toddlers, sometimes it just happens, and the lasers shooting out of your eyes are not going to stop it.. they just may earn you some very dirty looks back, and possibly some choice words directed at you from the over-exhausted mother of that adorable, daring, screaming 2 year old that is annoying the hell out of you.

My new blog

I have never really much understood the point of blogging, always kinda felt it was a narcissistic thing to do. Write down your thoughts.. and people will read them because you will be profound and meaningful. People WILL care about what I have to say. So why did I start this blog? Do I think I am a super talented writer that will attract millions of followers? Will my words inspire the next great thinker? No, of course not, I am fully aware that no one will probably read this. So why am I doing this? Because I am a stay at home mom of a 2 year old, and have another one on the way. Because when I was 20 weeks pregnant my husband moved our whole family to Canada, where we know absolutely no one. (Not that I blame him, it was our decision together, he had a great job opportunity that would allow us to save a lot of money, and also allow me to stay at home with our kids) So why the hell would a 28 yr old stay at home mom start a blog? Because I have shit to say, and sometimes no one to say it to other than our 2 yr old. So here I am, posting my thoughts to the Internet, where who the hell knows what will happen to them. What will I talk about on here? Who knows... maybe the trials and tribulations of being a mom, maybe good music, maybe art, maybe what ever the hell I want. Because after all, this is my narcissistic rant...
To start off.. I would like to address the topic of "what I want to be when I grow up".. its a question that we hear over and over as children. Young children always pick such ambitious career choices, a dr, a lawyer, an astronaut.. What did I want to be? I wanted to join the circus. All it took was one trip to the circus, and for me to realize just how much elephant shit stinks, and I changed my mind that I wanted to be a veterinarian. But after a trip to our family vet, and realizing just how much shit vets have to deal with... I abandoned that idea quickly too. (I am now realizing that as a stay at home mom, I probably deal with more shit now than I would have had to in the circus and being a vet.... If your a parent you KNOW.. baby shit gets EVERYWHERE!.. I could probably write an entire post about baby shit, and all of the surprises that come along with it, but I dont think I want to go there right now, maybe in the future...)
So after years of having NO clue what I wanted to be, I decided on being an art teacher. I decided on high school because I though those kids would want to be art class, and I would be working with the next fine artists of america. My students would all be SO well behaved, they would create work that belonged in a museum.... So that is what I did. Became an art teacher.. for 3 1/2 years.. and needless to say, as soon as my husbands job opportunity came up I very happily gave my notice and have not so much as looked back. So here I am.. at 28.. not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. Sure, I love being a stay at home mom, but I am going to have to be working towards something. I do not want to be one of those women who ONLY identify with being a mom, I need more substance in my life. I guess I will try to use this blog as my brainstorming session, to try to figure out this big question of what I want to be when I grow up...