This Is What Happens...

I am sure you have seen the video of the school bus monitor being bullied by kids.  Its absolutely heart breaking, terrible, and disturbing to watch.  If you have not seen it here is the link.

At first I did not want to write a post about this.  I thought, "yeah, everyone knows these kids are little shit heads, and feels really bad for the poor bus monitor".. and while YES, that is what the general consensus is, the more I saw other blogs about this video, and read the comments that followed, the more enraged I got.  I think we can ALL agree these kids are shit head.. and we can ALL agree that they are due for a WORLD of repercussions for treating this woman this way (and I will get into that later), but can we just talk for a second about HOW these little fuck-tards got to be this way???

As I was reading though the "comments" of people that posted that video, I was astounded by the amount of people that believe that these kids got this was because "we aren't aloud to beat our children anymore."  As if not beating the ever-loving shit out of your children will surely cause them to be heart-less little fuck ups.  Yes, if we do not instill the fear of our fist into our children, they will FOR SURE turn into these deviant little monsters.  Seriously people?  If you think THAT is what caused these kids to be such little assholes, then either a.) you do not have children yourself or b.) you just suck as a parent.

These kids turned out to be the way they are because their parents fucked up... big time.  It has NOTHING to do with them being beat as a child or not.  My parents NEVER EVER, not even once lifted a hand to neither me, nor my brother. Sure we were disciplined, if we acted out we were grounded, we had things taken away, we had a good talkin' to about how disappointed our parents were in us.. and believe me.. hearing that your parents are "disappointed" in your actions make you feel like you are about 2 inches high, and like absolute shit.  I never once thought, "well, I don't get hit, therefor I can be a total asshole."  My parents taught me to be nice to other people, to have some fucking compassion, and if I stepped out of line, there were repercussions.

These kids are like this because their parents did not teach them compassion or kindness, and they probably have never had a single bit of discipline in their lives.  These parents probably had the motto "kids will be kids" and let the little fuckers get away with anything all the time.  These kids probably rarely heard the word "no".. and their parents more than likely just gave them everything they wanted just so they didn't hear them whine.  These are probably the parents that fight the school every time one of their little cherubs get in trouble at school, and call the school because "HOW DARE that teacher give so much homework!  Don't they know the little angel has a X-Box tournament tonight?"So no, these kids did not turn out this way because they were never hit, they turned out this way because they knew no boundaries, and probably have parents that back them up, no matter what... right or wrong.  They turned out this way because their parents fucked up, big time.

The entire time I was watching this I was thinking "I wish the bus driver would stop the bus and make those little fuckers walk home!".. but from working in schools, I know the parents would cause shit storm and probably sue the school.  I propose that these little assholes get expelled from the school they attend.  When students get expelled from school, it is the schools responsibility to pay to get the students educated, but I propose that we change that and foot the parents with the bill.  If you raise little shit head scum buckets, then YOU get to pay for them to get educated.  I read somewhere that some of the parents were complaining that they had to get body guards for their kids because so many people are outraged and want to beat the ever-loving hell out of them.. to that I say.. TOO FUCKING BAD!  I am not a proponent of violence in any way, but if one of these little fuckers got a good old fashioned ass whoopin', I would look the other way.  If the parents had taught your kid to not be such an fucking asshole, then they would not be in this situation.  I say that the parents make the kids get a damn job and pay for their body guards.  I suggest that these kids NEVER to be aloud to ride school provided transportation again... their parents should have to pay for transportation to and from school, or should have to drive them or walk them to school.. these little assholes obviously can not be trusted to walk themselves, god only knows what they would say to the crossing guards.

Obviously, I know that sometimes parents that do everything right have a kid that gets into the wrong crowd, and shit can go downhill pretty quickly... but I am going to go out on a limb and say THAT is not the case here.  This is a case of parents not doing their job to teach their kids how to be good people.  They have done a wonderful job at raising self-entitled little assholes that have no sense of compassion of basic human decency and who are also who are stupid BEYOND belief.  These little shit heads think they are above everything because obviously mommy and daddy have allowed them to believe so, why else would they harass the hell out of this sweet old lady, and be stupid enough to video tape it, put it on youtube, and think there were no repercussions?    I hold the parents, and their LACK of parenting 100% responsible for this. Assholes.

Its all his fault

I am not an overly superstitious person, I don't believe that black cats are bad luck, I will walk on cracks, and under ladders.. broken mirrors don't bother me, but there IS one thing I will NOT do. That is to talk about little ladies sleeping patterns when they are good in a god-awful fear that I will jinx it.  My husband tells me I am crazy... he says there is no such thing as "jinxing"... but he is wrong.. and I can prove it.

So last week I wrote about our date night on Wednesday.  Everything fell into place, the kids were in bed early, and we got to have adult conversation, and listen to adult music, and have dinner without little lady spraying us with her food (because she thinks its HILARIOUS) or little man encouraging little lady to spit her entire meal at is by laughing uncontrollably.  It was pretty damn great... well it was going great until my husband brought up how well little lady had been sleeping.  For the entire month before, she had been sleeping a good 11 hours, uninterrupted.  It was GLORIOUS!  I told him I was loving  the sleep, but I didn't want to talk about her sleeping patterns, they were pretty damn wonderful at the moment and I didn't want to go mess them up by talking about them.  Then he said it... the words that I wish I could shove right back down his throat.  He said "Yeah, the sleep has been nice, but I wish she would just get all of her teeth in now so we don't get too used to sleeping, and then have to go back to getting up a lot."... Why.. WHY..WHY would you wish MORE teething on us!?!  Little lady already had 8 teeth.. and she has been pretty damn over-dramatic with each one coming in.. the next to come in should be her molars, and I told him that was going to be hell.  I told him I was perfectly content with her 8 teeth, and am just fine with getting used to the sleep... but his words were already out there in the universe, after he said them there was really no hope for us.  (plus HE isn't the one that gets up with her during the week.. so what does he care if she gets them at once.. he doesn't lose any sleep over it!)

So here we are... a week later.. in the 7th layer of teething hell.  Little lady has been up every night from 1-3 hours SUPER pissed!  She isn't so much crying, as just screaming on the top of her lungs with anger.. as if she is curing her dad for wishing this on us.  When I go in her room to try to calm her down, she is happy as can be to see me, wants to play, talk and sing.. but the minute I try to put her down she has a death grip on my shirt, and SCREAMS like nothing I have ever heard.. at any moment I am really expecting her head to turn all the way around and for pea soup to come spewing out.

Last night my husband slept though the entire 2 hour ordeal... HE did this to us, and he sleeps though it!  What a turd!  He would argue that it is a coincidence.. that there are no "jinxing" sleeping patterns, and that she was going to have to start getting her next teeth sometime soon, that it is only natural... blah blah blah.. but I think I laid my facts out pretty straight here, this is obviously all his fault.

"New" Date Night

I have written about date nights in the past...  ( Date night ).. so you know that being up in Canada, we really do not have many opportunities  to get out for a few hours sans kids.  We haven't found sitters that we like, and we *should* be moving home in just a few months, so right now there isn't much of a point to trying to find one.  We have fallen into a bit of a schedule/rut.  My husband comes home from work, works out, we all eat dinner together, we put the kids to bed, then we veg out on the sofa (1/2 asleep) watching TV until it is time for bed.  It was getting kinda stale.. so I planned to pick up a bottle of wine while I was grocery shopping yesterday, turning off the TV after dinner, and sitting outside to just talk and enjoy each others company.
The night actually worked out really nicely.. as I stated, we all usually eat together, but little lady was in full melt-down mode at dinner time, so I put her to bed early, and little man fell asleep on the sofa, so my husband put him to bed early... so we got to have a meal, a WHOLE  meal, alone.  It was quiet, the food was good, we had adult music on in the back ground, and the wine was delicious, and very very much needed after a hectic, and stressful day with the kids.  After dinner, we refilled our wine, and sat outside and just talked and laughed for an hour or so.  It was the closest thing we have had to a real date in quite some time, and something I think we are going to try to do at least once a week.  It was a really nice change of pace... little lady must have sensed that something was different in our nightly routine, because an hour after I went to sleep, she woke up super pissed, and was up for almost 4 hours.  .. I guess that's what we get for having 2 whole hours of uninterrupted adult-time... and smack in the back of the head back to reality.

Book Club

Weeks sometimes go by that I do not have substantial adult interaction.  I mean I DO have a few friends that I try to get together weekly with the kids.. but lets be honest.. chasing after a VERY busy little lady, and watching little man like a hawk does not make too much room for actual adult conversation.  Our conversations usually go like this:

"So what did you... oh... no... little lady... get that out of your mouth... no... not your nose either..... this weekend?"

"um.. we didn't do too mu.... no.. no hitting.  Just ask him nicely to share his toy, yes, nicely... we didn't do much.  Saturday we went to.... ok, now he is asking you nicely back, please share.... um, we went over to the... oh.. ok... you have to go potty?  Ok Ok lets hurry up!!  Can you watch my little one?"

And this goes on for 2 hours.. leaving both mom exhausted, and never actually finishing a thought... but hey.. at least we are in it together, right?  A good friend of mine and I have started to take weekly walks together, sans kids, and they have been WONDERFUL.  I have known this girl since we moved here, but in the few times that we have walked together, I have learned more about her than I ever had on our play dates.  But still, I know I can not depend on her entirely for ALL of my adult interaction (besides my husband of course... but our conversations usually go a lot like the one above, and by the time the kids are asleep we are both so tired we veg out in a zombie-like state until it is an acceptable time for an adult to go to sleep.  (Up here it stays like out until almost 10:00... so going to bed at 8:30  just doesn't feel like the adult thing to do haha)

So anyway, I enjoy reading.  I am pretty busy with the kids, but sometimes during little ladies nap time, if little man is playing, I can catch a few minutes to breath and get lost in someone else's world.  I usually read after they go to sleep to pass the time until I can go to bed.  I joined a book club up here, and have had to cancel going to the last few meetings because I haven't had time to finish the assigned books.  My next meeting is next Tuesday, and I have barely put a dent in the book.  Last night I got to thinking... how is it that I have NO problem finishing books that I choose for myself, (I finished 50 Shades of Gray within 2 weeks, read the Hunger Games in a week, just finished the new Sookie Stackhouse book in a matter of a few days)... but yet I have had my book club book for over a month and I have barely touched it.... and then it hit me.  I was taken back to high school Honors English and how I NEVER finished a single book for the class.. I didn't want to read books that someone said I HAD to read, I wanted to read my own books.  It was like a little light went off in my head... a sad sad little light that showed just how truly stubborn I am. I shared my revelation with my husband, who laughed at me... I am fairly certain he thinks that being home with the kids for the past year has broken my brain. I then took my book club book upstairs and resolved to read it (and I did... for a chapter.. then it was 10:00 and FINALLY time to go to sleep!)

"Older" moms

begin rant.

I am 29.  I have 2 kids.  In the town I am from, this is "the norm."  My husband and I made a choice that we wanted to have kids as soon as we got married, we wanted to be young enough to enjoy them, to be able to run around with them, and we didn't want to be 60 when they graduated high school.  We probably could have spent more time for "us" when we first got married, while most of our friends were still going out every weekend, and partying, we were on diaper duty and mid-night feedings... but we made the decision to put the sleep-deprived time in early.  We both wanted to be done with the baby making by the time we were 30... and now with 2 kids.. we are done.  Its not a choice that everyone can make, some people don't find their spouse until well into their 30s... financial issues don't always pan out.. fertility problems put a kink in the plans.... and some people just want to hold on to their freedom for just a little longer.  This post is not at all about bashing anyone's decision to have children "later" in life.  It works for you, when it works for you, it is not my place to judge anyone for when they choose to have kids.
In the town we live in now.. in Canada.. it is VERY common to have kids a little later in life.  At 29, I have not met another mom my age.. or younger.  I even had one very rude woman ask me "Is THAT normal where you are from?".. I smiled and answered politely "yes, its normal where I am from.  I am not yet 30, and I am done..."  There were many choice words I wanted to say to the rude lady.. but I had to harness the Jersey bitch in me.  I have found it a little difficult to connect with many women because of the age gap.. I have found a handful that I really like.. but its a bit awkward when you are at a play date.. and they are talking about pre-menopause symptoms... and thinking about having another baby all in the same sentence. And a lot of the women I have met here have married older men.. so they may be nearing 40... but their husbands are nearing 50... and they have kids the same age as us.. so we have had some trouble finding "couple" friends we can connect with.  But again.. this is not to put down their decision to wait longer than we did.

THIS post is about my problem with those moms who are "older"... and use that as an excuse as to WHY they can't keep up with their kids.  The moms at the playground who don't watch their children because they don't have the energy to chase them.. the children who push and shove my sweet kids because they simply have not been taught better.  The kids at the play date that walk over to my little lady and steal a toy right out of her hands.. and who's mom just watches and says nothing.... the later makes the comment "kids will be kids... ugh I am too old for this!"  Listen, I really do not care WHEN you chose to have kids... but don't let your age be an excuse to be a shitty parent.  Children do not raise themselves.. and if I hear "I am too old for this" one more time.. I am going to lose my fucking shit.

ok.. end rant.

Just Let Me Hold You

My Dear Daughter,
I am reminded daily of just how fast you are growing. At 9 months old, your little body has almost tripled in size from when you were just born. When we brought you home, you comfortably fit right on my left shoulder, you used to nestle your little head right below my chin, when you were crying, it was sometimes the only place that would settle you down. I used to rock you to sleep every night like that, in your favorite place. As you grew older, you no longer needed me to rock you, you actually preferred to be put down so you can settle on your own. Letting me hold you during the day is no longer an option, you are far too busy to be bothered with cuddle time. Tonight, you had a hard time falling asleep, so I rocked you. I cradled you in my arms, and put your little head right under my chin, just like you used to like me to do. Within 5 minutes you were fast asleep. As I stared down at you, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness of just how fast these past 9 months have gone by. I absolutely love watching your personality develop, but I know one day I am going to blink and you are going to be mother yourself. As I rocked you, I thought to myself “what if I just hold her.. like this, forever.. Maybe she won’t grow up. If I can just hold her forever, she will avoid all of the pains of growing up. If I hold her forever, she will never fall down and get hurt. She will never know the pain of rejection when the little boys don’t want to play with her because she as cooties.. or the pain of heart break when her first love breaks her heart. She will never know the betrayal of a friend who talks behind her back, or a bully in school who never has anything nice to say. If I hold her forever, she will stay small, and innocent, and she will always need me.”

After 20 minutes of rocking, and staring, I realized that my plan would just not work. I knew holding you would not keep you from growing, so I placed you in your crib, I want you to experience all that life has to offer the good/the bad, you need it all. I will not hold you back, but I just have a few things to ask of you. When you fall down, please, just let me hold you. When the little boys think you have cooties, please, let me hold you. When your first love breaks your heart, please, let me hold you. When your friends stab you in the back, please, let me hold you. When the bullies have nothing nice to say, please let me hold you. When life gets hard, and all you want to do is cry, just know that your spot.. right beneath my chin, will always be yours.

~mom

FB parenting

We all know that Facebook is the world of fake perfection… It’s a pissing contest to showcase who has the perfect family, the cutest kids, the perfect home, and most tropical vacation. Or it is the exact opposite, you know…those people on your list that air their each and every problem via the web “OMG, I just got the WORST splinter, FML!” (seriously… Get a damn hold of yourself!) I have to admit that I am guilty of the first offense… I put up far too many proud momma pictures, I constantly post the hilarious sayings of my 3 year old, and the new “tricks” of my 9 month old, and each and every sweet thing my husband does for me gets a shout out. I am not a complainer by nature, so if I am having a shitty day, I simply do not post anything. I don’t like to air my dirty laundry to all of my friends and family, I keep it to myself… But it is on those shitty days that I look at my friends and family picture perfect status and the little voice in my head says “what the fuck! How is their life so damn perfect!”… But then I have to remind myself, I only post the good stuff too.. And I know DAMN well that if you are a mom, and especially at stay at home mom, your life is FAR from perfect.
Today was one of my far from perfect days. I couldn’t even tell you WHY… But some days I just feel like I am drowning.. Some day I feel like I have no fuckin clue what I am doing.. And some days I just feel so damn alone… Some days I get jealous of my husband, that he gets to leave.. He gets to talk to adults all day, and solve REAL problems…. Not plead with an unreasonable 3 year old not to dump his yogurt on the dogs head. He gets a scheduled lunch break, with adults, where I grab a bite when I have time hiding behind the kitchen wall so my 3 year old doesn’t run over and say “hey, I need that!” Then eat everything on my plate even though he just ate an entire box of Mac and cheese…, he doesn’t have to deal with a 9 month old that shits, EVERY DAMN TIME I put her down for a nap… And today? He gets to go to the driving range after work. What did I do to work out? I was supposed to do yoga, but my 9 month old refused to nap, and talked and yelled on the monitor for an hour.. So about 45 minutes into my yoga (ya know where you are supposed to be able to relax and unwind)…. I sat on the floor and started to cry. Yup, like a damn little kid I laid on the floor and sobbed my eyes out… And now.. She is supposed to be napping but is again protesting.. Which is going to completely mess up her bedtime routine. I NEED these kids to go to bed at 8, their bed time is my only link to sanity some days, and today.. Well it looks like I am going to have to settle with being crazy. My kids are by far the best thing I have ever done with my life, but some days I just can not believe how fucking hard it is.

So today, my Facebook status will be missing. Next time you are having a shitty day, don’t look though all the “perfect life” statuses of your friends, look for the missing status, and know that you are not alone. We all have shitty days, just hang on, have a glass of wine with dinner, and hopefully tomorrow you will have lots of proud momma moments that will make your friends jealous.