My Dear Daughter,
I am reminded daily of just how fast you are growing. At 9 months old, your little body has almost tripled in size from when you were just born. When we brought you home, you comfortably fit right on my left shoulder, you used to nestle your little head right below my chin, when you were crying, it was sometimes the only place that would settle you down. I used to rock you to sleep every night like that, in your favorite place. As you grew older, you no longer needed me to rock you, you actually preferred to be put down so you can settle on your own. Letting me hold you during the day is no longer an option, you are far too busy to be bothered with cuddle time. Tonight, you had a hard time falling asleep, so I rocked you. I cradled you in my arms, and put your little head right under my chin, just like you used to like me to do. Within 5 minutes you were fast asleep. As I stared down at you, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness of just how fast these past 9 months have gone by. I absolutely love watching your personality develop, but I know one day I am going to blink and you are going to be mother yourself. As I rocked you, I thought to myself “what if I just hold her.. like this, forever.. Maybe she won’t grow up. If I can just hold her forever, she will avoid all of the pains of growing up. If I hold her forever, she will never fall down and get hurt. She will never know the pain of rejection when the little boys don’t want to play with her because she as cooties.. or the pain of heart break when her first love breaks her heart. She will never know the betrayal of a friend who talks behind her back, or a bully in school who never has anything nice to say. If I hold her forever, she will stay small, and innocent, and she will always need me.”
I am reminded daily of just how fast you are growing. At 9 months old, your little body has almost tripled in size from when you were just born. When we brought you home, you comfortably fit right on my left shoulder, you used to nestle your little head right below my chin, when you were crying, it was sometimes the only place that would settle you down. I used to rock you to sleep every night like that, in your favorite place. As you grew older, you no longer needed me to rock you, you actually preferred to be put down so you can settle on your own. Letting me hold you during the day is no longer an option, you are far too busy to be bothered with cuddle time. Tonight, you had a hard time falling asleep, so I rocked you. I cradled you in my arms, and put your little head right under my chin, just like you used to like me to do. Within 5 minutes you were fast asleep. As I stared down at you, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness of just how fast these past 9 months have gone by. I absolutely love watching your personality develop, but I know one day I am going to blink and you are going to be mother yourself. As I rocked you, I thought to myself “what if I just hold her.. like this, forever.. Maybe she won’t grow up. If I can just hold her forever, she will avoid all of the pains of growing up. If I hold her forever, she will never fall down and get hurt. She will never know the pain of rejection when the little boys don’t want to play with her because she as cooties.. or the pain of heart break when her first love breaks her heart. She will never know the betrayal of a friend who talks behind her back, or a bully in school who never has anything nice to say. If I hold her forever, she will stay small, and innocent, and she will always need me.”
After 20 minutes of rocking, and staring, I realized that my plan would just not work. I knew holding you would not keep you from growing, so I placed you in your crib, I want you to experience all that life has to offer the good/the bad, you need it all. I will not hold you back, but I just have a few things to ask of you. When you fall down, please, just let me hold you. When the little boys think you have cooties, please, let me hold you. When your first love breaks your heart, please, let me hold you. When your friends stab you in the back, please, let me hold you. When the bullies have nothing nice to say, please let me hold you. When life gets hard, and all you want to do is cry, just know that your spot.. right beneath my chin, will always be yours.
~mom
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