Day 7- a gray and mommy weekend

This week, our family was invited to go ice skating with a few families that I have become friendly with since living up here. I asked dereck, and he quickly declined from being the on ice parent as he has never been on ice before. So I was up. Since we have had Kadence, it has been a bit of a girls vs boys dynamic in our home. Gray misses his daddy all day, so as soon as he walks in the door from work, gray is glued to him until bed time. But because daddy did not want to look like an ass in front of our new friends we had to switch it up, and it was awesome. Saturday morning Gray and I went shopping for skates and a helmet. It was just me and my little man, just like it was before Kadence. Before I had little lady, I was so worried that he would be upset that I had to split my time, and he has made the adjustment effortlessly... I don't think I anticipated just how much I would miss our alone time together. Today we went ice skating, dereck stayed on the side with Kadence, and Gray and I went out on the ice together. He wasn't too crazy about it at first, but by the end of the hour, he loved it and didn't want to go home. It was so nice to be the parent to be able to be the fun stuff with him for a change... I think we are going to have to make Gray and mommy dates more often. :)

Day 6- The Truths about Richelle

People tell me that I should be a writer.  I have even had a few tell me that I should write a book.  I would love to write a book, but I really have no idea what I would write about.  I think before I even attempt that seemingly impossible task, I have to really know who I am.  I am always writing about my children, their likes and dislikes, so I decided to make a list of things about myself.  Things that are my truths.

Truths about Richelle

~ I suck at strategy games.  As much as I may try, I just dont have the patience.  I have about 20 games of words with friends going, and I am losing most of them.  I dont have time for word placement, I get so excited when I can actually spell a word I dont pay attention to where it is going.

~ Men with long hair skeeve me out.  I don’t know why, but they do. The only excuse for having hair longer then your ears is.... well, there are none.  If you have long, flowing locks and you are a man, I am going to assume you are either a. stuck in the past  b. a serial killer c. rapist.  Why these 3?  I have no idea.. thats just what you are in my head

~also really big muscly men freak me out too.  So if you have long hair AND are big and muscly.. chances are the sight of you makes me want to vomit.  I can’t help it, it just my natural reaction.

~ I do not do well without sleep.  I turn into a different person, a person that may tell you what an asshole you are for no reason other that than you looked at me funny.

~ I am a spaz about my childrens health.  I think most parents are, but if you or your child come to my house sick, without warning, I am going to curse you as soon as you leave.  You are going to go into my “asshole” column.  When Gray was little my FIL came over with a stomach virus, without telling us.  Both Gray and I got it, I still tell my husband what a dick move that was on his part

~ If your kid bullies mine at the park, I WILL yell at your kid, then scream “Where is this child’s mother?!?”  And if you say something to me, I will quickly tell you what a chode you are.  If you give me dirty looks, dont bother.. I will out-dirty look you

~ I do NOT have patience for poor customer service.  I will write your company very strongly worded email asking why their employ such incompetint boobs.  there are enough people on unemployment that there is no excuse for you to suck.

~ Wine makes me happy

~ Vodka makes me happy, until I drink too much of it then I get sad, or mad.

~ I need to be creating to be happy.  Weather its painting, drawing, sculpting or building, I just love to work with my hands

~I love teen lit.  Twilight and The Hunger games are my favorites so far

~ I love the color pink.  I hated it growing up, but as I became an "adult" I found that I loved it.  I would own everything pink if my husband allowed me.

Day 5- Mommy Wars

This week seems like it has been a bit brutal in the mommy world.  I read quite a few mommy blogs, and there were many posts this week about the mommy wars.  Two in particular stand out.  Anderson Cooper had mommies on his show this week, there was apparently a study done that says that working moms are happier than stay at home moms.  I want to believe that Anderson (yum.... the silver fox).. had the ladies on to talk about WHY there was a happiness gap, that is what he said he was doing anyway.  The show quickly turned into a shit flinging competition between the working vs stay at home moms.  I kept watching, waiting to hear the reasons WHY working moms were happier, or to hear more facts about the study, because that was supposed to be what the show was on... but there was not much mention of the study.  I watched, like one would watch a horrific accident, it was ugly, brutal, with all parties leaving feeling bruised, and I just couldn't look away.  I was so pissed at the venom being thrown around on the stage, I sat down to write a blog about it, I have been both a working, and a stay at home mom, but I left it alone, not wanting to add fuel to the fire.  But the whole time I was watching this horrific monstrosity of mothers flat out attacking one another, I just wanted to scream at the TV.  "What the fuck ladies, get your shit together!"

Another blog I read was defending mothers who blog, FB, or tweet about their children occasionally getting on their nerves.  Apparently it is pissing of some moms who believe that we should not express ourselves if our children are making us occasionally crazy, because when you put it on the Internet, our children could grow up, and find it and it would hurt them.  Seeing that I have a mommy blog, and I occasionally bitch about my kids, you know which side of the fence I am sitting on this one, but the fact that some perfect woman out there is condemning those of us who want to express ourselves, and share our experiences with other mothers, seeking connections and letting others know, NO your not alone in  getting frustrated with this impossible task of motherhood, really irked me.  I see nothing wrong with even telling our children that YES, sometimes you get on mommy's nerves but I still love you with all of my heart and nothing will change that. Look, if you have perfect children that never do anything wrong, and you never had a bad day in your life, you are lucky.  If YOU think that blogging about your children will damage them in the future if they discover that their mother isn't actually June Cleaver, then don't do it. No one is making you talk about your children via the Internet, but that doesn't give you the right to judge those of us that want a sense of community and are hanging on by a thread to our own sanity.

This week in mommy wars, I am really wondering WHY??  Why do women feel the need to think that their way is the only way?  Why do they feel the need to judge each others choices?  Why does society put mothers in the boxing ring and then think it is acceptable to watch us duke it out? Breastfeeding vs. not, Attachment Parenting vs. not, Working vs Staying home.  This kind of behavior is unacceptable ladies, and frankly, WE CAN DO BETTER.  You would never hear men fighting over their parenting practices.  "Hey Bob, how many baseball games did you take your son to this year? WHAT??? Only 3, Oh you obviously are a shitty dad and will scar your child for life." 

Being a mother already seems like a nearly impossible task, we are all just trying not to fuck up our kids. We already put a tremendous about of pressure on ourselves, we do not need to put any more on each other.  We may have different opinions, and that's OK, we are on different side of the same coin called Motherhood.  We should be fighting the mommy wars together, not against one another.  Shape up girls.

 

Post 4- not my problem

This past weekend my husband had some errands to run. He told me he would take little man because he loves to go out with him, and he is always good. First mistake- he jinxed himself my saying outloud that little man is always good for him in public, even if you have the perfect child, you never ever ever admit it outloud... The laws of the universe will come and bite you in the ass. Second mistake- my husband doesn't believe in jinxes. Third mistake-he took little man out too close to map time. What he got was the image in tis post.. A crazy,spastic toddler, refusing the get up in the store, causing a huge scene. He sent me the picture, and I was crying I was laughing so hard. Little man was melting down, while I was at home relaxing with little lady. There was a massive meltdown, and it wasn't my problem.

Day 3- Happy Birthday to the President

Today is my PopPop’s 85th birthday. My Pop was such a huge part of my life growing up.  I solely attribute my love for art to my Pop.  Some of my first memories are of drawing or painting with my pop, or doing an arts and crafts project with my mommom.  When I was just 3, I went to a ceramic’s shop with my Mom and Pop, and painted a ceramic cat.  I still have this cat, and to this day, I look at it and can’t believe a 3 year old painted it!  I stayed in the lines, the colors were appropriate, almost.  At the ripe old age of 3, my Pop critiqued my cat, telling me that cats don’t have pink eyes.  I remember being a little upset, I thought I did a stellar job, and Pop was sure to praise me on the rest of the cat, but just wanted me to be aware that cats simply do not have pink eyes.  When ever I did a new drawing, or finished a new project, the first person that I wanted to show was my Pop. I was determined to show him something that he couldn’t fine anything wrong with.  He always pointed out the great aspects, but also pointed out the imperfections and places that I could improve.  As a child, I would get a little upset, I remember asking my mom why Pop never liked anything I did, and I remember her telling him to stop critiquing.  But if you know my Pop, he does what he wants, and he never did stop.  This is one of the best things that he could have ever done for me.  As a small child, maybe I didn’t understand why he would point out imperfections, but as I got older I quickly came to realize he was teaching me to do better.  He never meant to be mean by telling me what I could do better, he saw potential in me, and was pushing me towards it.  This is one of the best things that I believe you can do for a child.  While your first instinct may be to always tell your child that what they are doing is amazing, it is so important to help them to be better.  I saw this first hand when I went to art school.  During critiques I saw a countless number of girls break into tears because the professor told them to change something, or that their painting simply was not that great. These were girls that obviously raised as princesses and never had anyone tell them that they could improve. It never bothered me when a professor told me to change something, I even had a professor at one point basically tell me a painting of mine was crap, walk over to it with a paintbrush and paint a huge white streak across the whole thing.   After class, almost all of my classmates came to me, cursing the teacher, telling me that the painting was really good, and that they couldn’t believe the professor had the nerve to do that!  But I told them, she was right. I was a little shocked that she had done that, but the painting was rushed and crap, she called me out on my bullshit. If Pop hadn’t spent so much time pushing me to see my potential, and pointing out when my work was not up to par, maybe I would have been upset, but thanks to my Pop I learned to accept criticism, and to do better. 

 If you know my Pop, you know what a jokester he is. I remember him coming to my house when I was growing up, dumping change out of his pockets as he walked around, telling my brother and I that he had holes in his pockets.  My brother and I thought this was so hilarious, and didn’t understand why he kept wearing pants with holes in the pockets!  As I got older, and a pocket full of pennies didn’t have as much appeal to me, my Pop would call me weekly and sing happy birthday just to hear me laugh. He continues his silly antics with my own children as well. The first time he met my son, his first words were “Gray!!!  It’s me!  The President!!”, so now, my Pop’s “great grandfather” name, is “The President”.

Pop has always had such a big personality and a spark for life.  Two and a half years ago, we lost my Mommom to cancer.  She was my Pop’s best friend.  She had been sick with various illnesses for as long as I can remember and Pop was always such a diligent care giver for her.  His whole existence was based around keeping her healthy, and happy.  They drove each other crazy, and we would all laugh every time we were all together because they would bicker like nuts, but the love that they had for each other was never questionable.  When she died, we worried we would lose him too.  After two years of living alone, Pop decided that he wanted to move into a retirement community to be around other people.  He has always been such a social person that the family had been pushing him to do it for the entire two years.  He was hesitant to sell the house, it was their house, it was her house.  Losing the house would be the final straw of losing her.  He moved out and we saw Pop spiral very quickly downward.  We were all very worried about him, his doctors said he was clearly depressed, developing dementia, and had anxiety problems.  We were certain that Pop was at the end of his rope, his spark was fading.  But then something happened.  We are not sure what did it, maybe it was the death of his brother in law that made him realize that he was still alive and he needed to live along with his new cocktail of meds, but Pop suddenly started to gain his spark back.

In the time that we thought we were losing him, he would call my mom daily, complaining about the retirement community, the food there, the temperature of the room, but now he calls because he needs new undershirts or sweaters to impress the ladies. In 28 years I have never sean my Pop in jeans and a t-shirt, he is always dressed to impress, in nice slacks and a sweater. If you know anything about retirement communities, you know that women in general outlive their husbands, so my Pop is one of a handful of men in the community, so he has his pick of the ladies.  He is suddenly a new man.  When I saw him for Christmas he was wearing all new clothes, a new hearing aid, and was flirting it up with my brother’s girlfriend’s mom.  We all stood around and listened to him tell stories of the beautiful women he was now living with.  One story stood out, as he told it he was beaming from ear to ear.  There is a woman that lives in his community.  She is 90, but according to him, she is absolutely beautiful.  He tells her every day that she is a beautiful woman.  One day, as they were passing in the hall way, he stopped her.  He said “look, I know this is going to sound crazy, your 90, I’m almost 85, but lets get married.”  She stood there, not knowing how to respond, and said “Get married??  Your out of your mind.”  To this he responded, “Yes, I want to get married, but I have to warn you,  if we get married, I want a minimum of 5 children.”  Pop is back.

Happy Birthday Mr. President.

Day 2- New Obsession- Dexter

We have two kids.  So our "alone" time is very limited.  With a toddler who has decided not to nap anymore... and an infant who likes to be up a lot at night, our time for "adult activities" is very limited.  Its not that we don't want to partake in said activities... its just when it comes down to sleep.. or "adult time"... sleep just looks a little sexier...
The past few days we seem to have caught a break in the bizarre sleeping behaviors of our little one, so we have been a little more rested than normal, and I have been able to stay awake past 9 pm!  So when the kids are finally sleeping, what are my husband and I doing?  Think its racing each other to see who can get the the bedroom first??  Nope.. its racing to the sofa to put on the next episode of Dexter.  If we can put it on RIGHT when the kids are asleep, we can watch 2 (sometimes even 3) whole episodes! While we were home, we borrowed the first few seasons from a friend, and we are currently obsessed.  We both admit and are fully aware that we would love to resume adult activities... but just can't until we finish the first 2 seasons.  We have a problem.

A New Year

2011 brought many changes for me, and for my family.  For starters, I went from a working mom, to a stay at home mom.  We moved to Canada in March, and then welcomed our sweet little girl in August.  Having a baby in a different country, without the support of family and friends has been difficult.  There have been days where I thought I was going to have to tell my husband "thats it, I can't do this anymore, we need to move home", but when I have those days, I just tell myself "One day at a time" and we have made it 10 months without any major meltdowns on my part (I say any major meltdowns, because last april, while every one of my friends and family were posting on Facebook about how beautiful the weather was in NJ, I left the house to go grocery shopping and it started to snow.  I cried all the way to the grocery store, shopped with make up smeared all over my face, then cried all the way home, I was pregnant so I may have been a little hormonal haha.)  I have joined a great mommy group, and have made some wonderful friends, and that has helped to ease the sting being away from my friends and family.
 For the most part we are dealing with the changes pretty well, better than expected actually, but it is always hard after seeing our friends and family to return to our isolation in Canada.  We went home for the holidays, and it was SO wonderful seeing everyone.  We stayed with my brother for 10 days, our family of 4, our dog, Ryan, and his lovely girlfriend, and their two dogs, all in a small 3 bedroom rancher.  We were all a little apprehensive about the living situation, but it worked out great, and when we were saying our goodbyes, I had to do everything I could to hold back tears.  Seeing everyone for the 10 days really made me realize how much I miss everyone.  Being a stay at home mom can be very isolating in itself, but add in being in a different country away from everyone you love, can make it pretty damn rough.  Last week was one of the more difficult weeks for me since we moved here.  On top of really missing everyone, our little lady decided that she wanted to wake up every hour of the night, and little man decided to forgo naps, which meant that I wasn't sleeping, and was getting absolutely no time to myself. To say I was grumpy would be an understatement, I was emailing my husband every day at work asking him to please let us  go home.  Thank god he is so understanding of my alternate personality when I am sleep deprived, haha, I really am a different person. And to top it all off, the sub-zero temperature of Canada (it was 7 one day) froze our battery, so I was stuck in the house for the week.  I am feeling better this week, I just needed the week to pout and miss everyone, but the car is fixed now, and we are getting back into the swing of things.
With this new year, I am looking forward to the changed that are to come.  I am making some changes for myself, I am going to write more in my personal blog (lifeasmyjourney.blogspot.com), my goal is to write every day.  I started my personal blog to write about not only mommy issues, but also just about life in general.  There are so many more aspects to being me than being a mom, and I am starting to worry that I am loosing Richelle to mommyhood.  I am going to make time for my art.  My husband has 2 hours for himself every weekend to work out, and I am going to take 2 hours a week to paint, or draw, or maybe sculpt.  I am going to take care of myself better, I joined a weight-loss challenge, and it starts tomorrow, I saw myself in a bathing suit last week when little man decided he needed a shower, and my god, it was not pretty!  People tell me "Oh you look great for having 2 kids."... I don't want to look great for having 2 kids, I just want to look great.
My wishes for 2012 are to keep a happy and healthy family, to have as much fun and laugh as much as possible, to help all members of our family of 4 to be the best they can be.