Money and Power

Ever since I have been old enough to get working papers, I have had a job. I have always paid my own bills, and it was always very important to me to be financially independent. I have never wanted to have to ask my parents to borrow money, I don't like to feel like need to depend on anyone else. When my husband came home last summer and asked me if I wanted to move to Canada and be a stay at home mom with our son, my initial reaction was excitement to be home with our son... (as a teacher I saw first hand the product of parents that work too much and hire other people to raise their children.. and its not pretty. I completely understand that not everyone is in the position to be home with their children, and that does not make them bad parents. I had many many well adjusted students with two working parents, but too often parents are too exhausted after a long day of work to be a fully present parents, and they are left with spoiled, over indulged, or even worse completely neglected children because a day care, nanny, or TV raised their children)... But after it processed, and after I actually quit my job, the "oh shit, now I am fully dependent on someone else" set in. It was a very foreign feeling to me.

All of my friends, family, and co workers we SO excited for me, that I would get the opportunity to stay home with my son. I knew that I was extremely lucky to be in the position, so I did not want to voice my concerns about being dependent, and admitting that I felt like I was losing some power. When I had a job, I felt like I had a big say in the financial decisions in our house. (now my husband is an accountant, so for the most part he handles our finances, but at least I was contributing, and felt like I had a legitimate say in where the money was going).. but as we packed up the house.. and I left my job, our home, our family, and our friends, I couldn't help but think "am I giving up my power? Is my husband now the CFO of our house, and I am the cook, child care, and house keeper? Is this why women wanted to get out of the home and into the workforce? So they would have an equal share of the power."

Just yesterday I told my husband that I wanted to get him golf lessons for fathers day. Normally I would have just purchased the lessons and not thought twice about it, I would have surprised him on fathers day and that would have been it. But this year I felt like I had to tell him before I spent $200 of his dollars towards his present. We joked about it, and he said "yeah, I guess it is different now that I am buying my own presents"... but his statement just solidified what I have been thinking. There is a change. Maybe it is a shift in power, maybe its just a change that I have to get used to. Luckily I married a really wonderful man who does not capitalize on this change, he never makes me feel like "he is the boss", and for those of you that know me, that would never fly with me anyway haha. I know the old saying that "who ever has the money has the power", but I would like to think that we have moved past that. Marriage is a partnership, and it doesnt matter who the bread winner is, as long as you are both doing your share with the family. Right? Just because I do not work outside of the home, does not mean I do not work. Having one two year old is like having a fully time job in itself, come August we will have two kids, add on top of that keeping the house in order, and making sure we are all fed, clean, and clothed, I would say I have my hands full. My new "job" may not have a pay check, but I know it is equally important in our home. While I know the value of my job is immeasurable, I still can not shake the uneasiness of now not being able to contribute financially. I am hoping this insecurity is something that will fade in time, I guess we will soon fine out. There certainly is a great deal of power that comes with being able to provide for yourself, and being dependent on the wrong person could be a complete disaster. Even with the right person, depending on someone so much is scary and requires a whole new level of trust that I didn't know was possible.